saint-natas-blog

sweet, sweet...

Sat, 24 Sep 2011 20:14:29 +0100

but there’s this girl in my dream,

she’s starlight and space flight,

she’s got the look of my favorite book,

she’s a sad clown and always around,

she won’t say no or let go,

she’s my hand held tight and my kiss good night,

she’s my “my, my, my”,

she dreams like i do

she fucks in strawberries fields forever,

i see the sunset and rise and die in her eyes,

we’re gonna go where people don’t go

we’re obsidian dreams, danse macabre

review of mein kampf...

Wed, 14 Sep 2011 17:28:18 +0100

i decided to read mein kampf (my struggle) by adoplh hitler because it is a forbidden book...i advocate freedom...

the simple, plain black cover adds to the books foreboding mystery and dark reputation...

the beginning chapters cover his childhood...there seems to be nothing exceptionally outstanding of this account...the book is difficult to read, i think partly because German is difficult to translate into english and retain it's original meaning and partly because hitler seems to ramble on and on about nothing of particular importance to anyone but himself...

after his childhood he describes the poverty and struggles of the german, especially the working class...i understand how this part of the book touched an empathic nerve with a struggling people...it touched a nerve with me with the current economic state of things...

in chapter two he relates more of his experiences and speaks negatively of social democracy and the jews...his criticism is so vague it seems to have no validity beyond pure racism and the need of a scapegoat...not once does he site an actual example to support any of his claims...nothing at all to explain german superiority to the jew...

on the last page of chapter two hitler leaves us with the slightest hint of his occult interests in combating the jews for his god...

the book is really torture to read...hitler is not a natural author...i mean, really, it was a terrible read...i had to force myself to finish it...it's just hitler babbling on and on and on and on...about his immature opinions...many of his ideas seem outright silly...i tell you this in conclusion...it's not worth the effort to read...

shotguns and beauty...

Sun, 21 Aug 2011 19:17:40 +0100

this morning was one of those mornings when i woke up feeling like putting a shotgun in my mouth...struggling sleeping all night all week...it's strange the twists and turns life brings...there is a sense of humor and irony to the universe...there is an unfathomable order to it all...if you pick yourself up and work hard doors of opportunity do open up...put your blood, sweat, and tears into your life and dreams and there is reward...things don't necessarily happen the way you want them to happen, but they happen the way they are meant to happen...the more effort you put into bending the will of the universe to your will, the more you will suffer...i've learned this in the school of hard knocks...

so i got up...went about my day...met with some people and talked...went out for breakfast for some more fellowship...made a few phone calls to new friends...texts...a three little birds knocking at my door, whistling that every little things is gonna be alright...and now i'm feeling spectacular and so grateful i did get up this morning...good things are happening and it's only because i gave up my will...which makes the true will so crystal clear at times...and nothing can stop the momentum of your true will...opportunities and gifts i don't deserve are within my reach...

my song for you today, because there is one particular part of this song that just catches my attention every time i hear it ("so if you love me baby this is how you let me know...don't ever let me go...this is how you let me know, baby...):

Young Forever - Jay Z and Mr. Hudson

fraternally,
saint natas

can't give it up...

Sat, 20 Aug 2011 07:31:29 +0100

the downloading issues we were having with kok # 5 and # 6 has been corrected...bare with me, # 4 will be corrected soon as well...thank soror zsd for her hard work...

last day of work at one job...start a new one on monday...and my dream job in 3 weeks...

i've been like a bipolar in the manic stage these past few weeks...that's a good thing, dig...no crashing...

lucifer steadies my hand and heart...stills my worries...

actually get to sleep in tomorrow...a date with lucifer at noon thirty...then bowling i think...

my routine is very simplistic...lbrp...middle pillar...and usually asana,,,unless diviniation or creation...or whatever the intention...then lbrp...

the song that moves me today:

The Xx - Infinity

good night, love...

i'm not like everybody else...

Fri, 19 Aug 2011 05:38:32 +0100

i'm not like everybody else...

has there ever been a better song?...

anyways...long day again...working hard...so much to do...so little time...last day at this job tomorrow...then three weeks at another...and back to the job i really want...

i've so drained from writing tonight i haven't left anything for the blog...

really...no suffering, forlorn lamenting tonight...ha...

patience and humility are growing...

i have to have these long stages of recuperation between workings...i'm only human...most of the time...when everything goes right it gets kinda boring, eh?...

there are things coming this year to look forward to...revamps of the 3 kok issues we've been having download issues with...kok issue #8...two new outsider albums for kok publishing...victoria rose...the lord of feces...the diary of saint natas...disco shaman...the lords of secret things...the blue angel working...all being fine tuned...kult ov kaos coming back together...revolution...um...i'm sure you have no idea what i'm talking about...

i thought i was fat and i jumped on the scale this week and weighed in at 172 lbs...3 lbs less than last month...am i just withering away?...

fuck i need to sleep...the most exciting thing i'm doing this week is going bowling with some straight cats...

we love pythagoras!...and adam weishaupt!...we want the illuminati!...

wait, how about, the illuminati wants you!...

maybe i'll just shut up, jerk off, and go to bed...

but remember...

I WON'T TAKE ALL THEY HAND ME DOWN!
CAUSE I'M NOT LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE!

play it again and again...

one of these nights i'll post something with substance again...fuck...lol...

L...

Thu, 18 Aug 2011 05:26:48 +0100

i lied...i worked on the book...with consciousness tipped ever so slightly...ingredients, a little sleepy a little sad...

i'm in love with an imaginary girl...

a blue angel...

the angel of morning...

the angel of mourning...

i have a fetish for fucking angels...

it's really too late to turn back time...

for the love and silence...i sacrifice myself...

it's so easy to slip away...

i'm distracted...lovely lucifer always on my mind...

to know you is hard...

Thu, 18 Aug 2011 03:27:29 +0100

i just ate a frozen pizza...had a very long day...non-stop business from 8 am until 9 pm...i was going to sit down here to work on my book, but i'm really feeling like i just need to relax now...enjoy this cigarette and pick out a netflix movie...i love watching old, lame horror movies...

it's very difficult being in a relationship with someone in prison, even more so since the prison denied me visitation...they say i can't visit her because i didn't pass the background check...i'm sorry dear warden, but that's just not very cool...so it's all phone calls and letters...it costs $2.50 to talk for ten minutes...we usually talk for twenty...

my living arrangements will be changing again soon...time to save up some cash and get my own little cave...it'll be another month or two...my old boss called yesterday and said the lay if over as of september 15...very good news...i love framing...i love being a construction worker...i love the sweat and the ache and feeling like i've earned my way...i like it because it's something that didn't come natural to me...i had to condition myself to do it...and i like being in shape...i like the physical strength and endurance it gives me...

continuing to force myself out of my comfort zone...in a social sense right now...

i'm too tired to keep writing...must relax...

good evening to you...

love,
saint natas

song for the day: the funeral by band of horses

that's how strong my love is, baby...

Tue, 16 Aug 2011 02:40:51 +0100

do that one more time...

i've nailed many red roses to the cross...i pray i'm swift and worthy enough to pound this last rose in place...like a halo over my bloody head...this final rose to lay in my coffin...this last rose to comfort me...to stay strong...

i'm sick of being let down by people...i'm not angry about it...i just know it is what it is...nothing can be counted on...anything you want in life you must work for yourself...the world isn't fair and never will be...and that's okay...just lead the others with actions and example...be undeniable beneficial...be undeniably strong and courageous...

what kind of man spouts philosophies and doesn't live by them?...if the philosophy is not worth living then what is it's worth?...i am a man who lives his philosophies...i have no choice...

i am working to be ubermenschen...i will likely not succeed but it is the aim that is the heart of the matter...yes i take it back from the nazis and everyone who's tried to wear the hat before me...it's a proposition as old as man...it goes by many names...vocation...true will...destiny...self-actualization...full human potential...the will of god...ad infinitum...

but i still quietly long for this last single red rose...to stand firmly planted next to me...our roots intertwined...reaching for the sun together...this last, perfect rose...

i will not lament next to Casanova...

okay...

that's all i gotta say tonight...good night...

...one of my favorite songs:

that's how strong my love is, baby, that's how strong my love is...

i got my baby back...

Sat, 13 Aug 2011 04:15:51 +0100

i'm excited to go visit my girlfriend...just waiting for the warden to approve me...she's in prison for burglary...you may ask yourself, "what kinda bird is this?"...well, i'd say, "she's the kinda bird who'll burglarize your house"...i've been dating her off and on since high school...or since she was in high school anyways...5 yrs now...she's just great...super fly, extraordinary hazel eyed little spitfire that's not afraid to tell anyone to fuck off...i just dig it when she tells me she don't give a fuck...she just ain't shallow...the kind who don't care if you got money or get old and fat...she ain't shallow and she's just alright...

i'm working 3 jobs now...exhausting...can't find decent work with my criminal history...i doubt i'll be able to get a professional job like i used to have for many years...if ever...and if ever i decide that's what i want...i tried to enlist in the army 2 yrs ago but they told me i'm too violent for the army based on my legal history...and they didn't like my anarchy tattoo...so i went to the army surplus store and bought a shirt that says army in big bold, black letters across the chest...

i'm really digging mgmt lately...listening to them right now...

kult ov kaos is going through some metamorphosis right now...my dear child...papa's gonna take care of you...

so we're taking submissions for kok # 8...send in your articles, essays, poetry, and stories...i'm an eager reader...

gotta fly a kite...

fraternally,
saint natas

mgmt - future reflections

good morning

Thu, 11 Aug 2011 16:39:33 +0100

i woke up depressed today...not sure why...this whole idea of helping other people and making the world a better place seems so daunting...the circumstances of my current situation makes it seem impossible...i don't care if people laugh at me or think it naive or stupid or whatever...fuck you...i'm gonna do it any ways...i don't know what to do, but i'm going to do it...

i have to go to work in an hour...don't really feel like doing that either...have to remind myself that to accomplish anything takes work...and doing the right thing is usually always harder than doing the wrong thing...so i'm going to go to this job that i hate...i put in my two weeks notice there on saturday...so that's cool...it'd be easy just to say fuck it and quit, not finishing my two weeks, but once again, that's the wrong thing to do...i made a commitment to these people and must follow through with it...

in this life the only thing that matters is your principles...your honor...and it takes a strong person to live by their moral code...it's something that i believe deserves respect...

i dreamt i was living in india last night...can't remember much of the dream...should have wrote it down...the biggest thing i remember was that i wanted to find my girlfriend but she was on the other side of the world...

i went for a run yesterday evening...it was tough because i'm out of shape, been smoking too many cigarettes, and haven't really been running since last summer...but it felt good when i finished and i loosened things up so much i took a great poop when i got home...

watched some stand up comedy last night...i've been getting into stand up comedy from netflix....the sarah silverman bit was awful...but the craig ferguson was hillarious...i don't know if i spelled their names correctly...doesn't matter that much...

oh, man, i'm still groggy with sleep...my eyes are kinda dry...

off to work...

so much to do before i die...

love,
saint natas