saint-natas-blog

BOOK OF VISIONS I

Sun, 01 Apr 2012 03:23:48 +0100

The Lord of Feces

“Are your parents smokers?” Liz asks, with a cigarette hanging from her mouth as she pulls laundry from the dryer and tosses it into a basket.

Liz appears to be in her late forties with hair just showing signs of gray. She has a gruff voice and a tough motherly quality to her.

“Yes,” Nikolas answers, “The smoke doesn’t bother me. I’ve been used to it since I was young.”

“When you were young,” Liz looks Nikolas over with a smirk.

Nikolas looks around the basement laundry room. It’s a mess. Clothes are scattered across the concrete floor. Various cardboard boxes are stacked up near one wall. Piles of old magazines near another. A shelf of canned food.

“The mess bother you?”

“Not at all.”

“You have a big family?” Liz asks, continuing her work.

Nikolas shakes his head, “Just me.”

“Close with your parents?”

“My father passed away. My mother lives a thousand miles away. We talk on the phone every few months.”

With a clothes basket resting on her hip, she nods, “I have six kids. Not really kids anymore. My youngest daughter is starting college this fall.”

Nikolas picks up some laundry and begins to fold it.

“Jake,” Liz hollers into the other room, “He’s folding laundry! May be you should take notes!”

There is no reply. Nikolas wonders what her husband Jake looks like. He has a feeling Liz wears the pants.

The phone in Nikolas’s pocket buzzes to life, an oriental tune. “Hello,” he answers.

“Nik! The kids are gone!”

“What?”

“I don’t know where they went. I don’t know what happened! One minute they were here playing with their toys in the living room. Next minute I turned around and they were gone.”

“How long?”

“It’s been an hour,” Ben’s voice cracks.

“Call the police. I’m on my way home.” Nikolas looks at Liz, “We’re going to have to continue this interview another time. I have a family emergency.”

“Alright,” she gives quick, curt nod.

Nikolas rushes up the stairs.

Back at the apartment complex the police are already there when I arrive.

I walk into the apartment. Ben is sitting on the couch with his head down, elbows on his knees. Two men in blue uniforms stand before him, listening to his story.

All three look to me as I step into the room.

“You are?” One of the officers inquires.

“I’m Nikolas Arcadia. This is my girlfriends’ place. Ben was babysitting for me. He called me and said the kids disappeared. I came straight here.”

“Where’s your girlfriend?” The cop asks.

“She’s out of town. Visiting a friend in California. She’ll be back in two days.”

“What’s her name?” He continues.

“Victoria Rose.”

“Has anyone called her?” The second officer asks.

“Not yet.”

“I think someone should call her.”

“I will.”

The radios on the police officers belts screech to life with a static voice. The voice sounds excited. One of the police steps out of the apartment and into the hallway to talk to the dispatcher on the device. The other officer turns his off.

Nikolas sits on the couch next to Ben. He pats Ben’s knee.

Ben’s eyes are glossy wet, he looks to Nikolas, pleading, “I’m sorry. I don’t know what happened. I was here watching them and they were just gone.”

“Don’t worry,” Nikolas reassures him, “We’ll find them.”

The police officer standing before them clears his throat, “Citizens reported seeing the Lord in the area.”

Both Nikolas and Ben look up without words. Both know who the cop is talking about. The unknown killer has been on the news more and more lately. The city seems to be entering a stage of paranoia and panic. People started disappearing a few weeks ago. No bodies have been found. No evidence of any kind. The news first began referring to an invisible killer. Until two things happened. An anonymous letter by someone claiming to be a follower of the invisible killer is sent to a local news station. The letter was deranged, fanatic. The writer claimed to be a follower of the Lord. The Lord was an ancient daimon from outer space. People should feel privileged to be consumed by the Lord. The content of this letter was too ridiculous to be taken seriously, but as the rise in missing people continued, more people began to speculate about the validity of the letter.

The second event was the first witness to the invisible killer/the Lord. No one actually saw the disappearance occur, but people began to report seeing a man in the area of the disappearances. A man with short, blond hair and pale blue eyes.

The other police officer steps back into the apartment, anxiety on his face, “Dugan,” he says to his fellow officer, “I need you to come outside with me.”

After both police have left the apartment, Ben, sniffling, says to Nikolas, “I want to go out and look for the kids. I have to.” He stands.

“I’ll come with you,” Nikolas nods.

Nikolas leads the way as they step into the narrow hallway of the apartment complex. The police are nowhere to be seen. The hallway is filled with an empty silence.

They walk outside together. Looking across the lawn of the apartment complex. The volleyball court. The tennis court. The swimming pool. The playground. It’s all empty.

The two friends walk along the sidewalk together.

“Look at this,” Ben steps off of the side walk and picks up a white piece of clothing from the grass. It’s a white top. A pair of cut off jean shorts beneath that along with a bra and pair of panties.

“I think that’s Megan’s shirt,” Nikolas says as Ben hands it to him, “I remember seeing her in it.”

“She said she was coming over,” Ben whispers.

“Do you hear that?” Nikolas breaks the quiet.

Ben cocks his head to the side, “What?”

“Nothing. Not even a bird or a squirrel. No traffic.”

“Jesus, Nik, what the hell’s going on? This is scaring me. Something is so wrong.”

Nikolas looks up at the sky. It’s a beautiful day. Blue sky with just a few white and fluffy clouds, “I tried to call Victoria on the way over here. She didn’t answer.”

“You think she’s disappeared?”

Nikolas shrugs, “I haven’t heard of any disappearances outside of our city.”

“I don’t know where to look for the kids anymore,” Ben laments, “We’ve searched the entire place. The only thing we can do now is go door to door.”

Ben and Nikolas turn a corner and stop in their tracks. In the parking lot before them the police car sits empty. One of the doors hangs open. The engine is running. The police are not present.

“I’m going to drive out to the kids’ grandparents’ house. See if I can get a hold of Victoria again. Tell the grandparents their grandchildren are gone.” Nikolas says, staring at the police car.

“What should I do?” Ben asks in an accidental high tone.

“Go home. Be with your family. Lock the door.”

Nikolas gets into his car, takes the key from his pocket to start the car. He pauses, looking at the dash on the passenger side of the car. A thick, silky white web is on the dash and part of the windshield.

A dozen small white spiders crawl about it. Pale, hairless spiders with tiny, pink eyes. Disgusted, Nikolas squishes one with his thumb against the dash. Its’ flesh is tough, but the arachnid pops, leaving a sticky wet on his thumb. The other spiders appear to panic with the death of one of their brethren. His breathing become short, he smashes them all with his hand. Some try to scurry away, but Nik is too frightened to let them live. The texture of their bodies squishing and the sound of their popping noises cause him to fight off nausea.

Once they’re all dead he starts the car and drives away from the complex.

As he drives to the west side of town, his eyes are alert, scanning for the children. Scanning for anything. Any sign of life.

His thoughts are memories of the kids. Playing with them in the yard. Playing video games together. Eating dinner together with Victoria. Watching movies together. Making love with Victoria. Will he ever feel her again? Hear her voice? Smell her hair?

It starts to get dark. He thinks that he has to get back to his interview.

The grandparents don’t answer the door. He tries to open the door but it’s locked. Peering in the windows there is no movement. Their dog doesn’t bark or come running.

Nikolas gets back in his car. Not sure what to do or where to go. He idles along aimlessly, spotting two men on the street. A tall, white man with black hair, blue jeans, and a red flannel shirt. A short, black man in a leather jacket. They seem to be arguing but smiling at the same time.

Nikolas makes a u-turn to drive by them again. He rolls the window down. The men end their argument, smile, and wave to Nikolas.

Nikolas grits his teeth. Feels anger rise in his gut. He flips them off and drives on.

The sun goes down completely.

He dials Victoria’s number on his cell phone for the fifth time since leaving the grandparents’ home. No answer.

He drives by the local fair grounds. The lights are on at the racetrack. This is unusual.

Nik pulls his car onto a grass parking lot and shuts the engine off. There are dozens of other cars parked there.

Sitting with his hands on the steering wheel, staring at the fenced in race track, he can’t see inside due to the stadium blocking the view. He senses the Lord is near.

A loud, damaged car enters to parking lot. Its muffler is missing and it appears to have been in a recent accident. One working headlight. The other is smashed along with the hood of the car.

The engine shuts off. A couple, older than Nikolas, gets out of the car. A man much larger than Nikolas with a graying beard and moustache and his female companion. They walk together toward the race track.

Nikolas rolls his window down, carefully climbs out it, and follows the couple at a distance. He can see the lights of a large portion of the city from the fair grounds. Lights that begin to go out. A city wide black out.

As Nikolas approaches the race track stadium its’ lights go out as well. The only light now is the illumination of the moon and stars. The couple disappears into the stadium.

Holding his breath, Nikolas enters the dark stadium. He walks out to the edge of the race track. There are many people there riding bicycles in the dark, circling the track in silence. He simply stands there watching them go round the track.

Spotting a lone bicycle, he gets on and joins the others in mindlessly circling the track.

A lone bicycler approaches the stadium. The city lights have been going out behind his approach.

As he approaches the stadium the circling bicyclers stop. They gather at the entrance of the stadium, Nikolas among them. They await his approach. No one speaks.

Nikolas sees the man riding toward them. The starlight seems to illuminate the man. He gets off the bicycle before his followers. Wearing a light brown trench coat with mud up the back and on the underside of it. This blond man with icy blue eyes takes the coat off, wearing only a pair of boxers beneath it. His back and the inside of the coat are covered in shit, Nikolas realizes, not mud. He can smell it. As if it were mud flung up from the back tire of the bike, except the trail of shit was on the inside of the coat. It makes no sense to Nikolas. How could the feces be smeared up his back if it was protected by the coat?

The man is athletically built. Nikolas can’t help but acknowledge that the man is handsome.

The man laughs, looking at the small gathering of people before him, an angry, superior laugh. Nikolas feels the intimidating eyes glare directly into him, “The shit is power!” His voice, loud and deep, not quiet ordinary. It has an inhuman, metallic quality to it.

The man paces before them, his eyes never leaving Nikolas. “Shit is organic material for me to absorb. That’s how I began. Eating your shit. Consuming your shit. And growing. I will collect all the shit of this world unto me.”

The man, Nikolas knows he is the Lord, walks passed the crowd and into the center of the racetrack. The people follow him. In the center of the track all remaining light seems to dissipate. The people get back on their bicycles and begin to circle the track again.

Nikolas slips off into the shadows of the stadium and continues to watch this strange happening.

The Lord becomes invisible in the darkness at the center of the track. Only his snow blue eyes are visible, glaring once again in the direction of Nikolas. The Lord’s voice pierces Nikolas’s brain, seeming to answer his unspoken questions, “I am an alien. The more organic material I absorb, the more powerful I become. I feed on shit. I feed on you. All organic material is nothing more than shit for my absorbing. All humans are shit for me to consume. I will dominate the planet Earth in a very short time. Go now. Write a testament to me, the Lord of Feces, that this dead world remember me. You know in your mind and soul that I cannot be stopped. I have been since before human.”

Nikolas rides away on the bicycle. He doesn’t bother to get in his car. He simply rides away as fast as he can into the night, with tears streaming across his cheeks, chilling his face against the dark wind.

Nikolas’s cell phone rings. He looks at the screen. Victoria Rose. Feeling relief warm his chest and stomach, he answers, “Hello?”

“Hey, baby.”

“Victoria.”

“Nikolas, baby. I love you. Come to me. I want to spend the last days with you at my side.”

“I’m on my way.”

baby, do you understand me now...

Fri, 24 Feb 2012 00:51:00 +0100

i thought i should check in for a minute...been a long time since i've been here again...

working a lot...ever busy...two jobs...several projects...

riding the edge of the spirit world...reclusive...very much at peace with the real world...i feel like an astronaut exploring my mind instead of space...but really I am exploring space...and everything else...i find the fingerprints of god in mathematics...geometry...the great work could be called the becoming...yes, the suffering is enormous...the keeping the balance of midnight and daylight is a struggle...i must always be conscious of it...and I daydream with joy of the midnight to come...and it passes to quickly like an orgasm...gurdjieff's idea of work helps during the daylight...i've put on ten pounds in the passed month...i remember reading in moonchild that crowley believed heavier people were more psychic because the were closer to the earth hence more in tune with it...i'm paraphrasing here...not that I want to gain weight...fuck that...

free will is destiny...fuck fear...

cuz i love you...oh...woo...baby i'm just human...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d2FT4FprxDg

ah...relaxing in my long johns after a long weeks work...cigarette between my lips...

gotta split...but let's dance to the shower...shall we?...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mFv5lgT8mc8

goodbye stranger...it's been nice...hope you find your paradise...tried to see your point of view...hope your dreams will all come true...goodbye mary...goodbye jane...will we ever meet again...

fraternally,

saint natas

the grand copt

the great wild beast

p.s. tony bennet is a hep cat...

100% reason to remember the name...

Tue, 08 Nov 2011 02:14:30 +0100

hey...what's up?...i don't know if you've noticed but kok publishing and kult ov kaos magazine have been removed from the site...kult ov kaos magazine is going to be relaunched as volume 2...it's pretty cool...what we have in store for you...we want nothing less than to change the world and we're entering our next phase of improving the human condition...

so this site will now be completely my personal site as an artist, author, anarchist...the publishing company is going through a transformation for the better...

my love life...ever strange...

the song for the day:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QfLYWoA2-ow&feature=related

four books by me will be published this year..."the lords of secret things", "king arthur's court", "blood blue love", and that which is yet to be named...

like always...i spill my blood for you, love...

sweet, sweet...

Sat, 24 Sep 2011 20:14:29 +0100

but there’s this girl in my dream,

she’s starlight and space flight,

she’s got the look of my favorite book,

she’s a sad clown and always around,

she won’t say no or let go,

she’s my hand held tight and my kiss good night,

she’s my “my, my, my”,

she dreams like i do

she fucks in strawberries fields forever,

i see the sunset and rise and die in her eyes,

we’re gonna go where people don’t go

we’re obsidian dreams, danse macabre

review of mein kampf...

Wed, 14 Sep 2011 17:28:18 +0100

i decided to read mein kampf (my struggle) by adoplh hitler because it is a forbidden book...i advocate freedom...

the simple, plain black cover adds to the books foreboding mystery and dark reputation...

the beginning chapters cover his childhood...there seems to be nothing exceptionally outstanding of this account...the book is difficult to read, i think partly because German is difficult to translate into english and retain it's original meaning and partly because hitler seems to ramble on and on about nothing of particular importance to anyone but himself...

after his childhood he describes the poverty and struggles of the german, especially the working class...i understand how this part of the book touched an empathic nerve with a struggling people...it touched a nerve with me with the current economic state of things...

in chapter two he relates more of his experiences and speaks negatively of social democracy and the jews...his criticism is so vague it seems to have no validity beyond pure racism and the need of a scapegoat...not once does he site an actual example to support any of his claims...nothing at all to explain german superiority to the jew...

on the last page of chapter two hitler leaves us with the slightest hint of his occult interests in combating the jews for his god...

the book is really torture to read...hitler is not a natural author...i mean, really, it was a terrible read...i had to force myself to finish it...it's just hitler babbling on and on and on and on...about his immature opinions...many of his ideas seem outright silly...i tell you this in conclusion...it's not worth the effort to read...

shotguns and beauty...

Sun, 21 Aug 2011 19:17:40 +0100

this morning was one of those mornings when i woke up feeling like putting a shotgun in my mouth...struggling sleeping all night all week...it's strange the twists and turns life brings...there is a sense of humor and irony to the universe...there is an unfathomable order to it all...if you pick yourself up and work hard doors of opportunity do open up...put your blood, sweat, and tears into your life and dreams and there is reward...things don't necessarily happen the way you want them to happen, but they happen the way they are meant to happen...the more effort you put into bending the will of the universe to your will, the more you will suffer...i've learned this in the school of hard knocks...

so i got up...went about my day...met with some people and talked...went out for breakfast for some more fellowship...made a few phone calls to new friends...texts...a three little birds knocking at my door, whistling that every little things is gonna be alright...and now i'm feeling spectacular and so grateful i did get up this morning...good things are happening and it's only because i gave up my will...which makes the true will so crystal clear at times...and nothing can stop the momentum of your true will...opportunities and gifts i don't deserve are within my reach...

my song for you today, because there is one particular part of this song that just catches my attention every time i hear it ("so if you love me baby this is how you let me know...don't ever let me go...this is how you let me know, baby...):

Young Forever - Jay Z and Mr. Hudson

fraternally,
saint natas

can't give it up...

Sat, 20 Aug 2011 07:31:29 +0100

the downloading issues we were having with kok # 5 and # 6 has been corrected...bare with me, # 4 will be corrected soon as well...thank soror zsd for her hard work...

last day of work at one job...start a new one on monday...and my dream job in 3 weeks...

i've been like a bipolar in the manic stage these past few weeks...that's a good thing, dig...no crashing...

lucifer steadies my hand and heart...stills my worries...

actually get to sleep in tomorrow...a date with lucifer at noon thirty...then bowling i think...

my routine is very simplistic...lbrp...middle pillar...and usually asana,,,unless diviniation or creation...or whatever the intention...then lbrp...

the song that moves me today:

The Xx - Infinity

good night, love...

i'm not like everybody else...

Fri, 19 Aug 2011 05:38:32 +0100

i'm not like everybody else...

has there ever been a better song?...

anyways...long day again...working hard...so much to do...so little time...last day at this job tomorrow...then three weeks at another...and back to the job i really want...

i've so drained from writing tonight i haven't left anything for the blog...

really...no suffering, forlorn lamenting tonight...ha...

patience and humility are growing...

i have to have these long stages of recuperation between workings...i'm only human...most of the time...when everything goes right it gets kinda boring, eh?...

there are things coming this year to look forward to...revamps of the 3 kok issues we've been having download issues with...kok issue #8...two new outsider albums for kok publishing...victoria rose...the lord of feces...the diary of saint natas...disco shaman...the lords of secret things...the blue angel working...all being fine tuned...kult ov kaos coming back together...revolution...um...i'm sure you have no idea what i'm talking about...

i thought i was fat and i jumped on the scale this week and weighed in at 172 lbs...3 lbs less than last month...am i just withering away?...

fuck i need to sleep...the most exciting thing i'm doing this week is going bowling with some straight cats...

we love pythagoras!...and adam weishaupt!...we want the illuminati!...

wait, how about, the illuminati wants you!...

maybe i'll just shut up, jerk off, and go to bed...

but remember...

I WON'T TAKE ALL THEY HAND ME DOWN!
CAUSE I'M NOT LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE!

play it again and again...

one of these nights i'll post something with substance again...fuck...lol...

good morning

Thu, 11 Aug 2011 16:39:33 +0100

i woke up depressed today...not sure why...this whole idea of helping other people and making the world a better place seems so daunting...the circumstances of my current situation makes it seem impossible...i don't care if people laugh at me or think it naive or stupid or whatever...fuck you...i'm gonna do it any ways...i don't know what to do, but i'm going to do it...

i have to go to work in an hour...don't really feel like doing that either...have to remind myself that to accomplish anything takes work...and doing the right thing is usually always harder than doing the wrong thing...so i'm going to go to this job that i hate...i put in my two weeks notice there on saturday...so that's cool...it'd be easy just to say fuck it and quit, not finishing my two weeks, but once again, that's the wrong thing to do...i made a commitment to these people and must follow through with it...

in this life the only thing that matters is your principles...your honor...and it takes a strong person to live by their moral code...it's something that i believe deserves respect...

i dreamt i was living in india last night...can't remember much of the dream...should have wrote it down...the biggest thing i remember was that i wanted to find my girlfriend but she was on the other side of the world...

i went for a run yesterday evening...it was tough because i'm out of shape, been smoking too many cigarettes, and haven't really been running since last summer...but it felt good when i finished and i loosened things up so much i took a great poop when i got home...

watched some stand up comedy last night...i've been getting into stand up comedy from netflix....the sarah silverman bit was awful...but the craig ferguson was hillarious...i don't know if i spelled their names correctly...doesn't matter that much...

oh, man, i'm still groggy with sleep...my eyes are kinda dry...

off to work...

so much to do before i die...

love,
saint natas

i give myself to you...

Wed, 10 Aug 2011 20:39:41 +0100

another god damned beautiful day...and it's not even over yet...so much to do...so little time before i die...i have a tendency to attempt things that seem unlikely or ridiculous...or so i've been told...i tend to do things that others tell me i can't do...examples being getting colleges degrees after dropping out of high school...i got almost straight F's through most of high school...the only three subjects i got good grades in were composition, art, and psychology...i didn't graduate because i partied high school away...every day was a blast...any ways, there were certain individuals who told me i couldn't become a go to college and become a counselor...so i fucking did it...

i've done everything in extremes...it's in my nature...i wouldn't have it any other way...when i started to study the occult, i thought, well i'll be in the minority and actually practice it...at the time following the books on ritual magick's word for word...i decided to take it a step further and become even more of a minority by actually being initiated into magickal fraternities...i was totally nervous during my first initiation...i'd never met any of the people prior to the ritual...it was quite a rush...after that, joining the other groups was a walk in the park...

so in the vein of impossible extremes i choose my next step to be knowledge and conversation with my holy guardian angel...after success with that, i took up the babalon isis working, which altered my life forever, in ways that can not be undone...

continuing in my own tradition of extremes, which i believe is my true will, which can not be stopped when in motion, swimming with the flow of the universe....my newest project is seeing how much one person can improve the human condition...i expect it to be a thankless and invisible task, but i'm 100 % down...and excited...

the first step i've taken in this project is writing letters to people in prison...i've picked 15 people doing life for murder...having these pen pals is completely rewarding...i'm able to connect with them on a very intimate level...i think i make them feel like they still matter...their lives still mean something...they make a difference...i hold nothing back in these letters...i tell them everything, and they tell me everything...we just offer each other moral support and friendship really...

another thing i'm doing is attempting to resurrect the defunct kult ov kaos...not the magazine, but the group...if you build it, they will come...so i learned watching field of dreams...

another part of this task is obviously writing books, my blog, and the magazine...

more things i've started to do, is to completely give myself to people...help people and do the right thing even when i don't want to...to live a life of principle...to live by a code of honor...i make sure i call at least one person a day to talk about life and make sure they're doing all right and see if i can do anything for them...it may sound all cheesy or something, but it's not...it's like letting the light of god shine through you like the sun shines through glass...it's not natural for me to be selfless and i have to force myself to do it, but i tell you, it makes me feels so fucking good after i do it...can't stop dancing and singing...lol...

there is more to my diabolical machinations...i'm working on cultural and political engineering...the revolution of everything...this is just the beginning and i have so much to fucking do before i die...

a song for you before i go...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vdmeqfPvypA

love always,
saint natas